Vampire Therapist Review: Healing the Undead Might Help You Too

Life is complicated, and extending that life from decades to centuries to millennia will only make processing those complications more difficult. If you think your dad is set in his ways, imagine how hard it is for a vampire to change after 1800 years of unhealthy habits.

In the new darkly comedic visual novel Vampire Therapist, you get the opportunity to confront those challenges directly with the use of real-world therapeutic techniques. A star-studded voice cast and sharp writing—informed by collaboration with licensed therapists—make Vampire Therapist one of the most powerful narrative games of the year, and the lessons learned between laughs might help you even more than it helps your undead clients. 

Bright Stars Illuminate Every Night

Sam Walls is the quintessential American cowboy from the Old West, but an informative afterlife has turned his drawl and collection of colloquialisms into a tool that can help bring even the most powerful vampires back down to earth. When Sam Walls first arrives in Germany, players quickly meet risqué goth couple Reinhard and Maxi outside of a nightclub. Reinhard is voiced by Matthew Mercer, who most players may know from Critical Role or as the voice of Minsc in Baldur’s Gate 3. 

Maxi, and Sam Walls for that matter, is one of many characters voiced by Vampire Therapist writer and developer Cyrus Nemati. While he’s most known for voicing Ares, Dionysus, and Theseus in Hades, Nemati’s skill in creating a variety of unique voices and writing engaging characters keeps the elaborate cast from ever feeling too similar. Once players make their way into the club, the core premise of the game unfolds as you’ll become a Vampire Therapist in training under the much older and more experienced Andromachos.

Your clients include more stars with Sarah Grayson (Hades 2, Gone Home, Tacoma) bringing the joyfully murderous content creator Meddy to life, and Kylie Clark uses her theatrical expertise to transport real-world historical figure Isabella d’Este from the Italian Renaissance into the modern age. Francesca Meaux rounds out the cast as the mysterious and charming bartender Crimson that Sam Walls tends to confide in at the end of a long night.

Decoding the Darkness

After engaging with some therapy sessions for yourself, players are introduced to the game’s core concept of identifying “cognitive distortions.” You’ll learn to notice things like Disqualifying the Positive and Should Statements in Sam’s own dialogue in order to help other vampires notice the same habits in their thinking. Vampire Therapist isn’t a substitute for real-world therapy, as is pointed out in the pre-game disclaimer, but everything you’re doing during these in-game sessions was inspired by real CBT (cognitive behavioral therapy) techniques in collaboration with licensed therapists. 

It can be overwhelming at first to think about identifying the nuances of Emotional Reasoning vs Personalization, but Vampire Therapist helps demystify these terms at a pace that’s far more manageable than you might expect. On top of that, getting things wrong is pretty forgiving.

The benefit of having a mentor with a few thousand years of experience is that he can telepathically pop-in with some advice any time you’re off track. Plowing through a session without a mistake feels empowering, but the consequence of incorrectly identifying cognitive distortions is mostly the frustration of replaying the dialogue and Andromachos’ hint until you get it right.

It’s worth noting that Vampire Therapist doesn’t shy away from difficult subjects like abuse, addiction, suicidal ideation, or sexual oppression. It’s also a mature game full of blood and some sexual themes, but everything is treated with the respect and seriousness it needs while keeping the laughs flowing to balance it all out. Vampire Therapist is dealing with heavy topics, but it never feels like that’s weighing you down as you work through the story. 

Breaking Monotony and Building Habits 

Vampire Therapist consistently delivers on those core elements, but it’s also filled with little moments that can be just as charming. If you decide watching a little TV will help Sam Walls relax after a long night, it’s only fitting that he’ll go with an old favorite like the classic 1936 short “Disorder in the Court” featuring The Three Stooges. This isn’t just a reference, players can watch the entire 17-minute video from the comfort of Sam’s coffin. If Sam feels like cartoons, you might be treated to a Betty Boop original. 

Vampire Therapist also introduces a few simple but engaging minigames. With an emphasis on consent, some humans will allow you to bite them and have a quick drink. If the precision on your bite is off, they’re absolutely going to tell you.

There’s even a meditation minigame where you’re challenged to control your breathing while trying to process and dispel different thoughts. As someone who has always struggled with meditation in real life, I was still so pulled in that my breathing started to align with the game and calm me down as well. 

As your journey continues and each chapter of this endearing comedy unfolds, you’ll find things Sam Walls learns sticking with you. If you have a tendency to beat yourself up when things don’t go the way you’d hoped, next time you might notice your own Labeling or Should Statements. It’s not a cure all or replacement for real-world therapy, but Vampire Therapist can create a foundation that’ll help you be a little more forgiving of yourself and others.